my little valentine story...

i love josiah. i really miss him. i talked to him the other night on skype, and it was the greatest ever. the topic this week is relationships. i love talking about relationships and whatnot. and its nice to have a whole week dedicated to friendships, husband/wife relationships, opposite sex relationships, and parent/child relationships. it has been going fabulous and it made me think a lot about mine and josiah's relationship. i love telling our story because it isnt like others. i really just like telling it, so it's more for my enjoyment, but if you want, go ahead and read it, you may get bored, but that's your problem. hah. ok well, in case you dont know our story, ill tell you briefly...ok maybe not so briefly...

me and josiah knew each other since gr.4 for me and gr. 5 for him, that's when i really remember. our parents were pretty good friends, and our older siblings were good friends, so we would see each other when we all got together or at church and of course school. we got to know each other more when i started to attend you. he was always the really funny guy and was liked by everyone.

in grade 9 we started to hang out a lot. we got to know each other more and more just as friends though. then after the summer of grade 9, i was going into grade 10, and he was going to grade 11, he sent me an email. he was on a family vacation on the east coast and i was at home working on the farm. so he sent me the loveliest email saying wonderful things about me and telling me that he liked me. i was so surprised!! i didnt expect it at all! so i thought about it for a day, although i had the BIGGEST crush on him. so i left it for a day and then i wrote him back telling him i felt the same way. it was the best ever!!

he got back a day before school, but i would only see him at school. let me tell you...i was so nervous to see him!! and the first time i did see him, i turned around from my locker and him and matt were walking down the hallway, talking and laughing and just as i turned around to face them, josiah yelled in my face and they walked away, yelling and laughing some more. i was so confused...i immediately thought, was the email a joke? did he forget all about me...i was just so confused. so the whole first day of school, thats all i thought about...later that night we had a sunday school meeting...i sat there, knowing that he was going to be there, but as we drove to the church, we past Gan's Kitchen, of course and there was the infamous martin weasel. So i knew that he would be coming late because they were celebrating Brenda's birthday, i think. So the meeting started and i was so nervous to see him. then he came in, and we did not make eye contact AT ALL...it was rather funny...so the meeting went on and then it finished. i left the room right away and was about to leave to go to my grammas, but i really needed the toilet, so kristen left and i went back inside. just as i was about to go to the toilet, josiah comes around the corner from the sunday school huts. we kind of looked at each other and i got so nervous!! we small talked for a little while, about school, summer etc. then we finally talked a little about the email. he walked me to my grammas and let me tell you, i was sooooo excited!!! we talked about the email and yeah, it of course wasn't a cruel joke or anything.

so days turned to weeks. weeks turned into months, and in december (4 months later) we shared a very special moment. me, siah, twila and matt were going to the city to watch a movie. king kong. ok let me back up a week. we had a phone conversation and siah asked me if maybe possibly he could hold my hand...so of course thats all that i was thinking about...so we get to the movie and we are both crossing our arms, with the hands underneath the upper part of the arm, i dont know if that makes sense. but anyways, we we leaning closer and closer together but we were both SO nervous to hold hands...then at the really intense part of the movie, when the villagers come up and they're all weird looking, well we finally touched hands and then awkwardly held them...it was so great. yeah, cheesy, lame, whatever, it was the BEST thing ever!

so i was 15 at the time. and as you know there's a rule in the mcmahon household and that is you cannot date until the age of 17. i know, how horrible!! hah, that's what i thought then, but i was very happy about it in the end. yes mom, i said it. i am happy for that:) thank you by the way. so yeah, it would be a long long time before we would actually, officially date. so that makes our story even more confusing.

josiah said one time: this is our story...we like. we love. we date.

and that's exactly what happened. we fell in love before we started to date...does that make sense? well...i guess so! we spent quite a bit of time together at school, with friends, and whenever my mom would ask, "who should we invite to dinner tonight?" my answer was usually..."Hmm...we haven't had the Martins over in a long time..." yeah, i'm so sneaky! so we would always spend the evening together when our families got together. we spent time together at youth, which was fun. and the fair, and so on.

we took things very slow. i mean VERY slow. i only hugged him in public after like pfft 6 months maybe...and holding hands was a VERY rare thing. the bubbles (or butterflies as some call those nervous goodies in your tummy) stayed for a long time. we held hands for two years, and it was still exciting! so two years of holding hands, kissing my cheek about four times in total, and putting his arm around me, sometimes was so wonderful! i vowed that i wouldnt kiss until i started to date.

christmas 2006. there was the annual talent show at school. i planned on doing the famous whale joke. but before that, josiah was scheduled to play a piano song. he usually did a song at the talent show, and i looked forward to it everytime. i love when he plays the piano, p.s. so he got up (i have bubbles as im writing this!! no joke!!) ok, so anyways, he got up there, and i had NO idea what he was going to play. he never told me. so he gets up there and he sits down at the piano and starts talking, something like this:
"16 months ago, i began to like this girl."
at that point, i almost peed and burst into tears etc...he kept talking about the past 16 months etc. and then he started to play our song...gravity by coldplay. not only did he play the piano, but he sang as well. i was just melting there sitting on the hard gym floor. i thought to myself...boy he must love me a lot to get up in front of the ENTIRE school and sing only for me. it was the most wonderful feeling:) i love how he singles me out like that. makes me feel very nice inside. at the end of the song he went to the microphone and said: "4 more months!"

only 4 more months till we could date. sigh...

a few more months past and we came to the spring drama, The Canterbury Tales. my first big drama. i was so excited! and i was one of the main parts, along with josiah and my best friend sabrina, and her boyfriend, matt (josiahs best friend). so that was terribly exciting! after months of practicing, we came to one of the dress rehearsals, Friday, April 27th...my birthday. the entire day me and josiah would count down the hours till we could go out. finally rehearsal ended and we were going to go on our first date...i drove him home, i went home and then had showers and got ready.

i picked him up because he didnt have his license yet...so i get to his house, and its only him at home because his family was away. and we had told each other that we would each do something special for one another. his was playing a piano song for me that he wrote. it was beautiful. again, i melted...so we hugged and then we off to the city. then we went to pizza hut for dinner. it was the best!! my special thing was to take photos in the photo booth to remember our first date by. then we went to the fyxx for coffee, but it was really busy and we met up with our friends there, so it was a little awkward, so we went back to my house and my other special thing was to sit by the pond and watch the stars or something...i know, so original, but the ponds are so beautiful at night. so we got picnic blankets, sweaters and headed out for the ponds. we set up the blanket on the hill that overlooked the pond, and it was absolutely beautiful. the moon was very bright, so we could see each other's faces, which was nice:)

now comes the best part...we had been sitting there for a while, just talking, basking in each other's presence and holding hands of course:) we started to talk in british accents, because we were talking about some british show, and we just kept talking like that. it was weird. and you know how you start with an accent and you just cant get rid of it, well yeah, that was it. we were stuck with these accents...and then we got on the topic of kissing. we didnt know if we were going to kiss our first date because it might all be too exiting for one day! we discussed the HECK out of it. in british accents. whether or not we should kiss, then we would get a little closer, than we would burst out laughing, then i would shake so much because i was so nervous. ok, when i get nervous, i start to shiver. my teeth chatter and i get little spasms of chills throughout my body. so whenever im nervous...siah knows. so i was shaking and shivering and SO nervous to the point where i just couldnt do anything! and still all in british accents. so after talking about it for hmm about 1 3/4 hours we got closer and closer and then for a few seconds....we kissed. it was so wonderful....sigh. and at that moment my shivers just went away. so lame, i know, but it was the greatest thing. i love josiah..mmm....anyways, i brought him home, kissed once or twice more and said good night. it was the most beautiful night. i went to bed totally star struck. i felt soooo girly!

months past and everything was fantastic. grade 11 for me started and grade 12 for him. the year went by great. we went to grad together and had a great year together. we went on a missions trip to vancouver and it was very wonderful. the summer was good, didnt see much of each other, but absence makes the heart grow fonder...mmhmmm so yeah...

grade 12 started for me and it was pretty good. i was very happy to almost be done school and just get to know people and be with sabrina. the first few months were good and then december came. i went to a hotel with the youth group and we had a topic of relationships. it made me think a lot of mine and josiahs relationship and God revealed a few things about each of our character and i was excited to share some things with him about that weekend away. we left on saturday i think and returned sunday morning. i got to church and told siah that we needed to talk later, but i reassured him that it wasnt bad and i didnt want to break up with them. but it was a mistake just mentioning those words, we need to talk, because it haunted him. and after church we had our Christmas party, so a few more hours would be spent in agony for him. so we went to his house after the party and we talked. i shared with him some things that i learnt and yeah...i dont even really know why or how things really came about, but we decided to take a break to focus on God etc. its not what i wanted at all, but i had to go and we said we would phone each other later.

so he called later and we decided that maybe we would just be friends for now and talk about everything in june, before grad. so we made a big mistake and set our own time.

on tuesday, two days later, he showed up at my house unexpected. we small talked for a while and then he said, i think we should just end it now, and really focus on God and in the future, maybe god will bring us back together, maybe not...

I was devastated.

of course i tried not to show it, but being the drama queen that i am, after i left i bawled my eyes out! i explained everything to mom, and she prayed with me. kume and dawite my cousins were staying with us for that week because my auntie and uncle were away in thailand on vacation visiting my cousin, danae, their daughter. anyways, so little dawite was like, uncle shaun, why is befany so sad? and my dad was like, well because her and josiah arent boyfriend and girlfriend anymore...he was confused, but he was very sweet and considerate to me:)

painful weeks went by and finally kristen came home from australia. so that was very nice. we spend hours watching movies, eating food etc and just getting to know each other more. it was the best. i missed her so much.

months went by and it hurt most of the time. i got to know God quite a bit during that time apart. mom was wonderful as she would always talk with me and pray with me. bless her giving heart.

i would see siah at church, and that was about it. we did the town drama together, which was very hard. i would try not to make any eye contact with him, but there were times when i was sitting on the side, listening to my music and i would be lying on the floor reading or doing homework etc. and i would watch him as he acted. i longed to be with him.

2 1/2 months past after our break up, and the town drama finally came. a day or something before the play i went over to his house to get a chord for editing and we talked a little bit. it felt a lot better. we finally seemed to be friends. he told me that he might go do an internship at IHOP (international house of prayer, not pancakes) in kansas for 6 months. of course i was devasted, but i was happy for him. honestly happy. he said he would probably leave in march. so i only had one more month, in my mind, only one more month to win him back! hah! but serious...so the drama came and went, it was hard because i had to flirt with him in the drama, and that made it even harder.

it was the beginning of march. march 9, im quite sure...and after church he asked if we could talk. we were both busy during the day, so only in the evening we could talk. that was SO hard!!!! mom prayed with me numerous times as i was freaking out! what do i do, what do i say, what do i wear?!?! BAH!!! yes, i know, im dramatic. im dealing with it... ok so i went there and it was only us two and Missy, his dog. so we sat on the couches, all "normal like" and small talked for a while. we told each other what we learnt and how it was really hard etc. i could tell he was really nervous and whatnot, and then he got up and went into the kitchen. im nervous just writing this! hah. so he got up and was standing in the kitchen, i thought he was just getting something to drink or whatever. so i sat there, awkwardly... then he was like, i want to show you something, or something like that, so i got up and walked into the kitchen area. we stood there a few feet apart, and i was a little confused and so nervous! missy stood between us. she looked up at siah. then up at me...it was such a movie moment... i could tell he wanted to say something, but then he wrapped his arms around me and held me there. i longed for that hug for 3 months.

what does this mean? i asked...and he said, mmm just friends and he kissed me. i melted. we were back together and i was the happiest girl on the planet.

we spent 2 1/2 weeks together and then he was going to IHOP for 3 or 6 months. we said we would have our "first date" again the day before he left. the weeks were good, filled with emotions, talks, movies, hugs, kisses etc.

now at the youth hotel, 3 months prior Roxanne, our dear youth leader told us to write down things we wanted in our future husband. i was the only one in a relationship, so it was hard not to write down all of josiahs characteristics. after we broke up, i wrote another list, kind of in spite of him, and i wrote down a few things. one was that my future husband would give me flowers on our first date. i pushed that thought aside and went on with life.

so it was the day before he was leaving, and it was very sad, but i was very happy for him. we would only be able to communicate through written letters, no email or phonecalls or whatever, so i went into it prepared to not talk with him for a long time. it was ridiculously hard. so anyways, we set our "first" date again and we had dinner, i helped him pack, we hung out with matt and sabrina and then we watch the village. we talked and cried and shared our hearts and it was amazing. i went over to sabrinas because i couldnt stay the night there, so for 2 hours i slept at sabrinas. at 4 in the morning we got ready to leave. we packed everything up, went over to cathys and drove to the airport. it was a quiet, sad ride there. i sat there thinking...hmm...i never got flowers...i doubted a little, but didnt want to base our relationship whether he would give me flowers or not. we arrived at the airport, had a little trouble with his ticket, but got it sorted out, checked his bags and headed upstairs to say goodbye. he said goodbye to cathy, to sabrina, to matt, and then me. the others left and i tried soooo hard not to cry....but of course, they came! we hugged, kissed and hugged and kissed some more. then he bent down and got something from his bag....can you guess what it was?

yes. it was...

a flower. a fake, pink gerber daisy. i almost peed. i laughed of course and then realized how ironic the situation was. we finally said goodbye, and then we left. it was an emotional day. i told sabrina about the flower and we had a good laugh.

more months went by, letters from him came, and they were always the highlight of my week. then two days before grad, he came home. praise the Lord!!! grad came and went, and it was great. i worked at camp all summer, he went to ontario for a few days, but then his dad was in a bike accident, so he came home. we shared our ups and downs of course, but it was altogether good. then i decided to go to Africa. and here i am now. but things are going good and im excited to see how things in our relationship will be when i get back. its wonderful! of course i miss him, but God is really working with me on that and hes being my comfort, so its a great feeling! i love him so much, and i just wanted to share that with all of you...

my dear josiah,
i love you so much.
you make me all bubbly inside
youre my best friend
and i cherish you so much
i love how you make me laugh,
talk, cry, smile etc.
i miss you
wish you were with me right now
kisses and hugs from africa.

your bethany